I was a very anxious person before I received my Salvation. I often seek advice from friends, rarely from my parents, and never from God. Wrong move!!! When I testified how God could change people and take away bad habits of those believers around me, I craved for that "new Yanny" too. So I prayed that God would teach me to not be anxious.
As I train with God in these past 4 years, several verses have been my encouragements; and they smile at me daily as I work on my computer: 1 Peter 5:7; Phillipians 4:6-7; Proverbs 3:5-6; and Jeremiah 29:11.
This training also requires lifestyle change such as: plan ahead (no procrastination), pray a lot, give thanks on little things, and let go let God.
The training progress? Most of the time, I found myself more joyful in comparison to the first 22 years of my life. But I still find myself relapsing to the "old Yanny" every now and then. One recent relapsing example is the last week Yanny.
Never in my life that I had to deal with legal authorities (lawyers, police, and claim adjuster) as intense as I had to last week. Legal stuff has been out of my comfort zone. Talking about it would drain me out. I would stay away from it as much as I could. But when justice was unjust and no one could help me to take the stand, I was driven to take it on my own. The thought that I'm dealing with people who talk legal as if I drink water intimidated me (a novice). I grew anxious day by day to fight for justice (yeah, you heard me right; I was playing HERO). I started to shoot in the dark. I didn't know who got hit by my shots. My anxiety resulted in my insecurities about little things:
- When I got a call from my apartment manager that the Case Police Officer came to look for me, I had many questions running in my mind, "Why did he come?" "Why didn't he return my call?" "What does he need?" "What did I get myself into?" "Why do I have to deal with all these when I'm the one hit?" Later I found out that the officer was just looking for my ID # to finish the Police Report.
- On Friday, my boss called me to a meeting room. These past 2 weeks, I've been typing, writing, and working with my left 5 fingers and right pinky due to my injury. So when he called me, I ran questions again, "Why?" "Is it because I'm not that productive at work?" "Is it because I haven't been meeting his standard?" When I went to the meeting, he actually asked for my feedback to improve certain process in my group. Duhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
- Right before Good Friday Service started, I got a call from a 408 number. I didn't pick it up because I was afraid the call would be from a legal authority and could potentially ruin my Good Friday mood. I let it go to my voice mail; but s/he didn't leave me one. I didn't bother to call back. Later I found out that the call was from the Security Company hired by my organization. Apparently, the office alarm went off on Friday; and the Security Company had to send police to come and check. Since I am on the Master Contact List in my company, I got the notification call. We later found out that it was the janitor who set the alarm off.
It's a good training session as always. Great reminder. So when Marcel and I returned from the Good Friday Service, we're determined to give ourselves a break from the legal stuff for the weekend. We did. And we enjoyed the longgggggggg 3.5-hour nap on Saturday! Marcel also had a long sleep last night and gave me the first morning smile in 2 weeks!
Ahhh, let go let God is always the way to go!
May this be a blessing!
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